The question was posed perhaps most poignantly inside the Museum of National History in New York City. Beyond the gems and the meteorites and the massive cases of butterflies, there were cultural displays, one of which included a Tibetan wedding cart. The cart was constructed to be hoisted onto the shoulders of four men and carry an ornately decorated bride to her waiting groom, who would then become her life partner. “I think,” I said to my museum companion, “that humans are naturally monogamous.”
“No,” he replied, “humans are naturally polygamous.”

Humans are, unarguably, nutrient-consumers, sleep-needers, air-breathers. My mothers college friend who tried for a time to live on a only-water diet did not succeed. It is not possible to violate basic truths about human nature and live healthily and happily. The secret, then, the health and happiness could be coming to the correct conclusions about human nature and obeying those inherent laws.

Perhaps having a variety of subsequent partners is like having a variety of favorite-things-to-wear phase. For two years it was jeans and flip-flops: comfort is king. For the following year it was only basic colors: white, black, blue, beige and grey. You cant go wrong with classic. Two years later it was all the colors in the rainbow…what’s the harm of matching red shoes to a red shirt? Why where white when you could wear orange? What are eyes for but to appreciate the light spectrum? Now its all about quality…fit, fabric, tailoring. A few good things are worth so much more than a closet full of $10 pieces. As people evolve, so do their personalities and their tastes. The desires of a 20-year old are not the desires of a 40-year old, and changes must be made to reflect that.

Or perhaps people are born with all the core aspects of who they are, only to let some thrive at different times and with different people. You are my fun side. You are my intellectual side. You are my wild side. You are my lie in bed for hours side. You are my climb very high mountains side. You are my write love letters side. You are my try every food we can imagine side. How can one person bring out every possible positive dimension of another?

On the contrary, a person must have anchors in order to have a sense of security and place. Blood ties are valuable simply because they will always be there, through fights and disagreements and distance, a sister is a sister; a mother a mother. A lover who promises forever is all the more a lover because of the commitment. Something you can hang on to is the only thing you can really have.

Love is not meant to be created only to be broken. Who would plant a garden only to destroy it when the stems began to hold flower buds? Who would begin construction of his house on a plot of land the government has designated to be cleared the next week for a highway expansion? Futile investment should be avoided.

These are all the things I think as I call my sister on her first wedding anniversary and stop at the street vendors in Maputo to buy two pairs of men’s socks.